Sorry for the delay; the last 24 hours have been a rough, up and down roller coaster of a chemo ride. I'll attempt to be your advocate for brevity filtered in with a little bit of cheer considering my disposition :)
Bottom line.. I was released yesterday around 5 pm in a good state, but I was undergoing serious cognitive distortion from the drugs to the point where I had to look at Alex and ask her her "babe please take over". I was a blubbering idiot worrying about trivial minutia, which is where I try to shy far from, but with a plethora of pharmacologics in my system, I knew I simply had to acknowledge and get through.
It was fantastic coming home to the simple life. Yeah I know Alex's previous blog states I shouldn't be outside, but only applicable when I become leukapenic, or my cell counts levels go severely down. I had an opportunity to jump on the riding lawnmower and make a few passes on our lawn to be sane. No matter how simple and mundane this may seem, I needed it. I also took a couple minutes to chip a few golf balls in the front yard to feel some sort of normalcy. This worked, however the golf club felt like a foreign object to me, owe the ball went straight.
After attempting to fall asleep with aid of numerous sleep additives I just accepted that I could not fall or stay asleep so I proceeded to get on the net, read, write, whatever to pass the sleepless hours. I accepted a few nice moments of 45 min naps throughout the night where possible. I also made the poor decision to not take my anti nausea medication early in the morning.....I mean after all I am a big headed neanderthal at times. Big mistake!! As I woke to make coffee for Alex this morning, I felt the effects smack me in the face. "UGH", was my thought, "I haven't felt this before!!!." I slammed some Zofran, Phenagran and Oxy and made it back to bed. Poor Alex had to witness me at my worst, but I told her things would be fine once I got my head out of my ass :)
She begrudgingly obliged and continued dressing herself in sexy business attire for her day of committee meetings and conference calls.
Around 8 am the anti-nasuea meds kicked in and I knew what I had to do to get the day rolling. I needed quick quantifialble success. I immediately contacted and coordinated the paperwork for my short term disability with my company successfully and with this new found gilt of exuberance (I know it seems silly) I came up with my plan for the coming day which looked something like this:
Go to Verizon and commandeer a new cell phone for the one my ass broke last week while playing golf; pick up electronics from the work shop; work out (yes work out); drop by my Oncologist office and confirm paperwork for appropriate agencies; grocery shop, meet the parents, and hit some golf balls.
Verizon was great, 20 mins done, electronics was a mere 10 mins and then it was off to the gym. That little place is what makes everything OK for me. No matter if the world, life, etc is against, for or between me, I can always get a little for me when I'm at the gym. I took it slow and light, but having gone through this two times before, my mindset is to lose as little muscle as possible along the way not only to ensure a good battle, but also the pride that comes from doing what most wouldn't even consider. I know in the coming weeks the effects I will face and it is now that I have a chance to implement defenses that will enable my course ahead.
Gym done. I rondevu with Alex to knock out a notary public, then shot home to meet my uncle and his buddy to assist with some household chores such as: remove Engineer stakes from back yard (that Bill, our buddy, could use at his ranch) and change a shower head. Bill asked me why I wasn't sitting down and relaxing and I responded, "Bill, this is how I get through"
Couple things to note at this point. Firstly, the chemo although harsh, is apparently crushing the tumor that was infringing upon my colon and prostate. Why do I say that? Because I can now pee like a regular man and not like the poor 95 year old man in the urinal next to you because his prostate is enlarged. This is the silver lining because it also sets me up for the unfortuntate incontinence that is a result of the double cathether I received back in 2010 while tangoing with cancer before. No biggy. A little pee in the pants I can deal with :)
Secondly, this is not for the faint of heart, but during a BM today and excruciating pain, I delivered a third world at a nice CiCi's restrautant bathroom. I mean seriously I could have named it!! Yes ironic that I was at CiCi's, however I wasn't eating there. It was the closest place to jet when Alex and I were at the notary. Decisive action paid off once again!
Around this time my parents arrived from Augusta, GA. They had just been in Florida over the weekend helping "cancer boy" move to DFW for treatment. I've always been extremely blessed with fantastic family and friends who in the times of adversity, have been nothing short of a steel pillar. We caught up quickly, moved them in for their short stay and began planning for the future treatments.
The evening was quaint, relaxing and jovial. I made dinner for all of us while Alex took to the dogs, my parents relaxed and assisted where they could, and we were just us. Simple chicken spaghetti dinner with nice conversation made for a perfect evening. A little throw and catch afterwords with my lady and our three furry boys following ( we have a Great Dane, a Catahoula puppy and an Aussie puppy).
The simple life as defined is just that. Anything that you find solis in, that comforts you and makes your daily events have meaning. I have that here and I'm excited. I know this sounds oxymoronic, but my friends.... it is fact. The cancer has brought me to a place in my life that I have been longing for. A simple yet fulfilled place.
Good night!
Andy
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